Thursday, July 28, 2005

Meet Mr. Mom, or Let's Find A PC Scapegoat

RebelDad warns us that NBC's new reality show "Meet Mr. Mom" starts next week. He asks that we boycott its sponsors for supporting such Daddy-bashing crap.

I would like to reserve judgement until I see the show. Since I'm not on any ratings programs, I shouldn't be the point to keep it on. I have a feeling it will be like a trainwreck - so bad that I can't look away. From what I've seen, it promises to be pathetic. Premise is Mom goes on a week-long vacation, Dad has to run the house. Since he's a Daddy, he should be clueless about how things work in the household and hilarity should ensue as Mom watches mouth agape on closed-circuit television.

This reminds me of those really annoying commercials where Mom and Dad are clueless imbeciles as the kids run the show.

I've said it here before, DADS CAN RUN A HOUSEHOLD! Sure, my Hubby isn't the masculine version of June Cleaver, my dinner is never ready when I come home from work, I do a lot of laundry, and the dishwasher is still almost-forbidden territory for Daddy. But, the kids are cared for, they're happy, they're stimulated, they love their Daddy and Daddy loves them. That's what matters to me and him, and I think many SAHMs have given up the Stepford Wife ideal, too. Why do women not have to live up to unrealistic goals anymore (as far as I can tell), but SAHD's do?

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Exhausted

The reason I'm not at work today does have something to do with staying home to help Hubby care for two croupy kids. (Thankfully, N is healthy... so far). But it also has to do with I'm having a hard time keeping my eyes open. It's from a combination of sick kids who are having trouble sleeping, a recent increase in an already huge thyroid medication dosage, and Harry Potter. I'm reading two of the books at once - Sorcerer's Stone aloud to my kids. After getting halfway through Half Blood Prince, I realized I really should read the previous books again just to get more out of it, so I'm also reading ahead of what my kids can sit still for.

I love a first read of a book from an author I love. I'm still getting through "Salmon of Doubt" after having it for almost a year, simply because it is the very last first read of any Douglas Adams book for me.

The result is I'm more exhausted than I think I've ever been before. My kids are, too, poor things. But not exhausted enough to sleep at the same time. I usually only get the chance to read to myself late at night when everyone else has fallen asleep. By the time the book is falling out of my hands, one child wakes up. By the time she falls asleep again, the other girl starts coughing. When she falls asleep, I lay awake worrying about how little sleep I'm getting, feeling the PPD creep deeper in, and then a kid wakes up again. And so it goes through the night... for the past WEEK.

I really wish I had family nearby - I just want to be taken care of for a night.

Discovery is up!


July 2005 Discovery launch
Originally uploaded by kzturtlegirl.
Best wishes to the Discovery crew for a successful mission! Welcome back to Great Explorations!

Monday, July 25, 2005

Bush fights child pornography

So, Bush et al are trying to block the release of more photographs and video of torture in Iraq by American forces and those working for American interests.

Why?

Perhaps because the visuals are too upsetting, they fear a backlash. I mean, a comment about the Quaran being flushed in Newsweek supposedly brought more instability to Afghanistan. Imagine what will happen when video of children being raped in Coalition-run prisons will do. Seymour Hersh, having seen the evidence in question, describes them in part:

"The women were passing messages out saying please come and kill me because of what’s happened. And basically what happened is that those women who were arrested with young boys, children, in cases that have been [video] recorded, the boys were sodomized, with the cameras rolling, and the worst above all of them is the soundtrack of the boys shrieking. That your government has, and they’re in total terror it’s going to come out. It’s impossible to say to yourself, how did we get there, who are we, who are these people that sent us there."

It's not just Hersh, a Pullitzer Prize winning journalist who also exposed the massacre at My Lai during the Vietnam War. I've been putting a tag line to this article from the Sunday Herald (UK publication) in my e-mails for nearly a year now. It summarizes witness accounts of some abhorrent sexual torture of prisoners, and torture of children designed to get their parents to talk.

Mr. President, Mr. "All AMERICAN life is so sacred I'm going to legislate what you can do with your body and fight for the rights of zygotes" - you KNOW about this, and you can't say you don't condone it because you haven't done anything about it yet, over a year later! Amnesty International is upset, too. In the linked press release of April, 2005, it documents the sexual abuse of a twelve-year old in Coalition hands in July, 2004. PFC Lindsey and company were "exposed" to the American public months earlier.

I agree that the last thing we need in Iraq is negative publicity about how we are mistreating Iraqis in the name of "Freedom." That doesn't mean we should pretend that this isn't happening and block the release of documentation of these terrible crimes. I say that If we are going to try Saddam Hussein for crimes against humanity he ordered or allowed as President of Iraq, them certainly Bush, Cheney, Rumsfeld and Rice should be brought before an international war crimes tribunal themselves.

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Reunite Gondwanaland

My Husband made me a hat once. A basic white baseball cap I used during field work. He painted a map of a late Devonian Earth on it, and emblazoned it with the slogan, "Reunite Gondwanaland."




It was my pet Cause. Everyone needs a Cause, and when I adopted it as a college student, it was the only Cause I could afford to promote. It also affirmed my position as a Geek, and an evolutionist geographer Geek at that.

It still has a place in my heart.

Now, I see a new Gondwanaland Cause approaching. One just as impossible, I think, to achieve. The Cause for the nomination of a Supreme Court Justice who believes in personal rights as opposed to State Control. Sigh.

I guess we could have worse than John Roberts. I just don't know much about the guy beyond that he's a Federalist, and every pundit I hear is saying, "He's such a nice guy!"

Isn't that what the neighbors said about Jeffrey Dahmer?

Here's hoping he doesn't rape and consume America for breakfast.

Vinnie The Tampon Case Man

Sara sent me on a merry distraction with a link to AdiosBarbie. I particularly liked the aticle on Vinnie the tampon case guy, and the ending quote from Vinnie, ""So, there I am at a Knicks game, talking to a couple of guys...about tampons! I mean, tell me, this has ever happened before?"

To tangent from that, I have to say my years of ttc, pregnancy loss, and successful pregnancies have made me less shy about feminine bodily functions, from split nipples to blood clot sizes. M Brandon Robbins inspired a draft post once when he commented on how he never knew about breast pumps, "But then again I'm a single guy with no kids so I wouldn't know would I?" I never finished the post, but now's a good time just to mention that there was once a time I wouldn't speak of such things at all. I successfully hid from my mother that I had started my periods for several months. How times have changed.

I wonder if I would be so forward about discussing the finer points of cervical mucous if I hadn't had a pregnancy loss? Hmmmmm, another thing to thank my Lost Ones for. It definately makes conversation juicier (sorry, I couldn't resist the pun, hee hee). Not just with women, but I like to get the guys perspective, too. That, and it's still taboo enough to get a bit of a flirtatious thrill out of it.

Five-year-old Wisdom

From N this morning:

"You know what makes life worthwhile? Sisters and Friends. Oh, and parents, too."

Also...

"It's good not to be in Mommy's tummy anymore. This way I don't get pee up my nose." (While pg with S, she was informed how amniotic fluid is really baby pee).

Snicker. This should help me get through work this morning!

Saturday, July 16, 2005

One more reason to line the bird cage with USA Today

This editorial by columnist DeWayne Wickham. He advocates the nomination of Attorney General Alberto Gonzales.

I think I'd rather see Elian Gonzales in the High Court before Alberto.

DeWayne's argument includes:

"Instead of giving in to either side, Bush should make Attorney General Alberto Gonzales his choice to fill O'Connor's seat. Gonzales is neither a doctrinaire conservative nor unyielding liberal. His selection would make some people in both of those camps grimace.


"Gonzales' conservative critics believe that a Justice Gonzales wouldn't vote to end abortion and affirmative action. His liberal detractors worry that he would vote to weaken civil liberties and expand the court's support for the death penalty."

This mutual disgust is apparantly a good thing. Following that argument, Bush could also nominate, oh, Osama bin Laden, since both sides would think him reprehensible, and still be thinking about his stance on abortion and civil rights. Look, you don't put someone on the highest court in the land because everyone finds something abhorent about him or her! If your want bipartisanship, nominate someone who both major parties find something they admire.

Well, as a liberal, I can say that I opposed Gonzales' appointment as Attorney General, and even more viscerally oppose him getting a seat on the Supreme Court because of his abysmal history of supporting torture and unethical behavior. I'm not talking about something as (relatively) piddly over should flag burning be allowed, but his approval of a memo (when White House Council) including the opinion that laws prohibiting torture do "not apply to the President's detention and interrogation of enemy combatants" and that an interrogation must include "injury such as death, organ failure, or serious impairment of body functions—in order to constitute torture."

It's not just about him maybe upholding more death penalty sentences, it's his history of obfuscating important details about defendants when, as chief legal counsel, briefing his boss Gov. Bush of Texas about whether these people should live or die. How can he judge cases involving lack of due process when he himself was often guilty of it?

And how about his history of accepting campaign contributions from defendants, and then ruling in favor of those defendants, while he sat on the Texas Supreme Court? Do we really want someone who does this as a Supreme Court Justice?

NO!

For more information on Gonzales' history, see here for a great synopsis.

I am sick of this administration promoting its unethical obsequious lackeys in positions of extreme power. I don't know who GWB will nominate, but Gonzales is NOT a suitable candidate.

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Formula poop

Tonight, S had a big nasty stinky brown formula poop.

I nearly cried. I just might, still.

I stink at pumping. I can't keep up with her demand while I'm away at work. Hubby has to supplement. I stink so much at pumping that I'm only bothering to pump once a day, and some days I skip it all together. I get so little, it just doesn't seem worth the effort.

So, no more hay-smelling mustard-yellow breastfeeding poops.

I know this sounds overly melodramatic, but right now, I feel I have failed.

Monday, July 11, 2005

Alright Senator Specter!

Sen. Arlen Specter (R-PA) is going to propose returning federal funding to stem cell research this Tuesday!

Sen. Specter is undergoing chemotherapy, giving him a first-hand account of the ravages of chemo. He said, "Yeah, well, I am [amgry], as a matter of fact. Try a few chemotherapy treatments and see how you feel" while watching the debate over medical funding.

What really peeves me about the debate over funding stem cell research is the comments like that from Sen. Sam Brownback (R-KS) who said, "I don't want to see us destroy additional human lives with taxpayer dollars." This from people who support destroying human lives every day in Iraq. I'm sick of my tax dollars going to THAT! I'd much rather my taxes go to things like medical research, Pell Grants and other social causes.

Go Specter!

Sunday, July 10, 2005

On a lighter note....

We were at the splash park tonight. Through one of those playground "telephones" that run tubes underground with conical ends you talk to someone on the other end through, A told me, "Mommy! I love you! I am yours and you are mine! I'm glad I'm yours!"

Sweetness from a two year old. This, folks, right here, makes life worthwhile.

Rove Rage

I've spent a lot of time trying to write about Karl Rove and his bag of dirty tricks, but along the way I found a great piece from Southeast Texans For Peace written way back in September, 2003.

Instead, for my sake and yours since there are a lot of names in the Rove-Wilson-Cooper-Plame et al treason play, here's the list of players to keep it straight and understand what all the ruckus is about:

Joseph Wilson: The "unnamed former envoy in Niger" credited with providing evidence that "Saddam Hussein recently sought significant quantities of uranium from Africa" in Bush's 2003 State of the Union Address. Credited, that is, until Wilson wrote an op-ed piece in July, 2003 saying he informed the Administration it was highly unlikely this ever happened.

Valerie Plame: Joseph Wilson's wife, and an undercover CIA operative running a network dedicated to tracking any person or nation that might try to give weapons of mass destruction to terrorists. Someone leaked her secret identity days after her husband wrote that editorial, and thus destroyed the exact kind of person we need in this "War on Terror."

Karl Rove, Senior Advisor to the President at the time of the Address and the op-ed piece (now Deputy Chief of Staff since February 2005), who has been known to say about at least one person who displeased him: "We will fuck him. Do you hear me? We will fuck him. We will ruin him. Like no one has ever fucked him!'" (see Southeast Texans For Peace.) Rove is no minor Deputy anything - he's been the Puppet Master of GWB since he ran for Governor of Texas, if not before.

Robert Luskin: Rove's lawyer, who said recently that Rove did speak with at least one reporter about Mrs. Wilson, but did not identify her by name. May I submit that "Wilson's wife" may look like Raymond Luxory Yacht, but it's pronounced "Valerie Plame." It's not too difficult to figure that one out.

Section 421 of the Intelligence Identities Protection Act of 1982: The law that someone, perhaps Karl Rove, broke when leaking Mrs. Plame's identity. "Whoever, having or having had authorized access to classified information that identifies a covert agent, intentionally discloses any information identifying such covert agent to any individual not authorized to receive classified information, knowing that the information disclosed so identifies such covert agent and that the United States is taking affirmative measures to conceal such covert agent's intelligence relationship to the United States, shall be fined under title 18 or imprisoned not more than ten years, or both." The key word here, that Mr. Luskin is trying to use, is "knowing."
And we got sick of the definition of "sex" last millenium.

Matthew Cooper: Time magazine reporter who, in July 2003 soon after Wilson's editorial and three days before she was publically revealed, spoke to Karl Rove. In an e-mail shortly after the interview, he wrote that Rove said it was "Wilson's wife, who apparently works at the agency on [weapons of mass destruction] issues who authorized the trip [to Niger by Wilson]," according to a story to be released in Newsweek's July 18 issue.

Judith Miller: A NY Times reporter who was sent to jail for Contempt of Court for refusing to reveal her source who revealed Valerie Plame's role when talking about CIA operatives. Who, by the way, she never wrote about.

Robert Novak: The decidedly conservative columnist who wrote a published column naming Valerie Plame as a CIA operative soon after Wilson wrote his op-ed piece and three days after Cooper talked to Rove. He claimed two government officials told him of her identity. He then wrote an article saying the furor was all blown out of proportion and everyone knew who Valerie Plame was. Curiously, as far as I've seen, he is not being questioned about this at all. Odd that, the guy who actually OUTS the operative is not being questioned.

Osama bin Laden: that guy we're supposed to be looking for but conveniently can't be found.

WHY WHY WHY WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY do people LIKE this administration? Compared to Bush and his administration, Nixon franked some personal mail.

Something doesn't just stink in the State of Texas, it's downright putrid.

Saturday, July 09, 2005

Confirmation

Red Statement pointed me to this new family link.

I started out getting rather perturbed at the article, thinking it was some "women should think more about their husbands before they work at a job outside the home" piece of, ummm, offal. However, as a woman who does struggle a bit with the "Cinderella Complex" they mentioned, it was nice to see my feelings weren't just me, other working moms have similar feelings.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not so resentful I'm plotting anything, it just hits me at times, particularly when he's had a hard day at home with the kids and needs to talk about it, and I'm trying to listen all the while thinking I'd give my left arm to have a day like that instead of having to be away from the kids all day.

But, sometimes, particularly when two out of three girls are distressed, I can see how an office environment can seem like an escape.

If only it were a voluntary escape.

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Lincoln Memorial

WAKE UP, PEOPLE! HOW THE F DON'T YOU SEE THAT THE ULTRA-RIGHT IS PULLING THE US INTO A PIT OF FASCISM?!?!?!

UGH! I'm just so frusterated with these sheep following a despot in quasi-democratic clothing just because they want to tell me what I can do with my body, or need to carry their Uzi to school, or are desperate for the Rapture to happen, and SOON. One-issue idiots who turn a blind eye to what they'd otherwise be storming the White House for. Go to Hell. Just go to Hell right now. Yeah, I'm ready for the Rapture, all right, just so I don't have to DEAL with you toadbiters anymore.

Case in point: The Lincoln Memorial. First, it was promoting the idea of the Grand Canyon being formed not by geologic forces but by the Hand of God at GCNP bookstores. Now, Public Employees for Environmental Responsibility informs me that the Bush Administration has approved $200,000 to make a new video for the Lincoln Memorial, citing it doesn't show enough conservative ideology. Extreme right-wingers are upset that some high school students in 1994 made a video about the Lincoln Memorial and GAVE it to the National Park Service to show at the Memorial. They dared to show people demonstrating at the Memorial for such anti-Lincoln things as EQUALITY and PEACE. Lincoln must be turning in his grave that his memorial would be used for such things. Reverend (and I use the term loosely) Louis Sheldon of the Traditional Values Coalition says that this video "gives the impression that Lincoln would support abortion and homosexuality." Well, having seen the TVC website, I must say that anything not prostrate in front of the right-wing agenda promotes homosexuality in their eyes. The whole thing is one giant homophobic masogonistic rag.

The TVC website says, "Absent from the video were any Promise Keepers marches or Marches for Jesus rallies at the capital. The video was totally skewed to present only a leftist viewpoint." Well, despite the fact that the Promise Keeper's March had nothing to do with EQUALITY, which is what the objectionable material was about, it also wasn't included because it wasn't held until Nineteen-Ninety-freaking-SEVEN, and the video has been at the Lincoln Memorial since 1994. The earliest I can find a March For Jesus in Washington D.C. was in 2000. But even if I'm wrong about that, apparantly neither the Promise Keepers OR a March For Jesus was held at the Lincoln Memorial.

How DARE those liberal baby-eating Satan-worshipping fornicating High School students not go forward in time to film footage of something not taking place around their subject matter!! Don't they KNOW that we aren't allowed to be smart enough to actually think about target audiences, unless we're tobacco executives and toy marketers, both going for that lucrative adolescent market? The NERVE of them!

Well, I managed to watch the video, and I must summarily disagree with that foul-minded imbicile. Yes, there was footage of Equal Rights Ammendment, abortion, gay and lesbian rights demonstrations and Vietnam War protests. Again, demonstrations for EQUALITY and PEACE are not viable material for a video about the Lincoln Memorial? Are we both thinking of the same president, here? Are the conservatives saying that we SHOULD have been in Vietnam? THAT must explain why we're in Iraq. Yeah, that's it. There was also a brief second of a sign about passing the Brady Bill. Ok, that's not about equality,I'll give you that. One second about a demonstration asking for safe streets does NOT justify spending two HUNDRED thousand dollars to put GWB's mug and rallies FOR war in a new video. (Edited to add: After further reflection, it is patently obvious why a tiny bit of footage about a demonstration for the Brady Bill was included: Brady was shot with a gun during an attempted Presidential assassination. Lincoln was shot with a gun in a Presidential assassination. Yes, that DOES have to do with Lincoln! I recant my "give you that.") ALso in the video was lots of footage of Dr. Martin Luther King's famous speech at the Memorial, various flyers promoting the sale of slaves, numerous clips of past presidents (I think I saw Ford and Reagan in there) and dignitaries visiting the Memorial, numerous nationalities showing the diverse appeal Lincoln has, and a very poignant shot of a one-armed navy man saluting the statue. Terrible that, showing a man having paid a price of war, saluting a man who knows the horrors of war himself. Never find that in THIS America now.

The National Park Service has a headquarters building not one mile from my house. They are hurting for money. Heavily. Having seen what's happened to America's public lands under both Bushes and Reagan, I think the added benefit to making the NPS find TWO HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS to replace a video that some high school students managed to scrape up enough money to produce on their own, is that it can't use that money to do it's real job of preserving, protecting, and teaching about its charges.

See you on the way to Hell, Bush.

Monday, July 04, 2005

Kid games and missed opportunities

Walking home from the parade today, we ran across some fresh horse dung on the sidewalk, a relic from a participant. Not a very common thing here in the mini-burbs, and I contemplated stopping and examining it, having the kids look at it more closely to figure out what horses eat. Ok, they probably know what horses eat, but it's still a bit of a lesson in discovery. As Douglas Adams once said of Mark Carwardine and all fellow zoologists in his book "Last Chance to See" (I highly recommend it), we're big on scat. We get positively euphoric over scat. (I tried to find the exact quote, but my copy of the book has been on loan so long I can't remember who I leant it to).

But, a man was already cleaning it up, lots of parents were walking by avoiding it like the plague, and my two oldest were eating popsicles. I declined the opportunity, yet I still regret it.

Does that make me a good mom, or a bad one? Does it really matter?

Later in the day, A and I played a game of, "What does this look like now?" while enjoying some chunks of canteloupe. For those of you not running with the toddler crowd, the rules are simple: take a bite off of the melon chunk, and ask Parent what the mangled mess resembles. Repeat with same chunk of melon. Eventually, the piece gets so small, Parent finds it useful to answer, "It looks like something that should be eaten up right away." Repeat until all melon remnants are eaten. It was a fun exercise in imagination and communication. But it was messy, and did not promote polite eating habits.

But, hey, so what? Sometimes you just gotta let kids be kids. And sometimes you gotta let yourself be a kid, too. Otherwise, you really miss out on a lot.

I shoulda picked up the poop.

Lonnie Hammergren finally did something of taste

Nevada has a host of colorful political figures. Las Vegas had a former showgirl and now has a former Mafia defense attorney as mayor. The biannual legislature meetings may have yet to let go of it's wild west protocol. I remember one Sherrif candidate with go-go dancers on his 4th of July float (he didn't win). But the epitome of unusual characters in the public eye has to be neurosurgeon and former Lt. Governor Lonnie Hammergren.

I've met this man several times, although I'm sure he doesn't remember me. I remember one particular time he was at the unveiling of an interpretive site about the Great Unconformity. Strange this, when Hubby and I heard of the ceremony on NPR, we thought we'd be surrounded by a few tens of geology geeks and that would be it. Instead, Interior Sec. Bruce Babbit, (now Minority Leader)Senator Reid, and Lt. Gov (at the time) Lonnie Hammergren were there, among other political figures. The dignitaries nearly outnumbered the Geeks. Hammergren joked that he came to the event because he thought it was for him, the Great Non-conformist.

That title doesn't even begin to describe him. He has a stretch of three homes in Las Vegas, with the backyards connected, where he keeps a scale model of the Thomas & Mack sports arena, a very large model of a UFO, and several other unusual things to maintain in anyone's backyard. He's been accused of accosting hospital orderlies. He likens himself to Teddy Roosevelt, to the point of having grown the mustache and dressed in turn-of-the-century clothing. I do have to say that I was most impressed with the Lt. Governor's race of I think 1996, where neither of the candidates resorted to dirty stuff. Lonnie looked like he was slitting his own political throat with his colorful mailings all about Teddy Roosevelt, but I think the populace was refreshed by such polite-yet-odd discourse in the midst of a particularly ugly State Supreme Court race, and kept him in office.

Anyways, to get on with it since my kids are wanting me to help make a tent with them, he had a float in this year's local 4th of July parade. Not unusual, he's had some doozies before, usually involving an airline staircase. But this time, I have to give him credit. This bizarre Republican put in a memorial float for the fallen Nevadans in the Middle East since 2001. Relatively tastfully done, names on plaques on an A-frame structure, what looked like a coffin in the back. I think there had to be close to 100 names on it. No one dared throw water balloons at this float.

In a parade full of uniformed men and women, and several "God Bless America" floats, it was refreshing to see something recognizing part of the true cost of this insanity. In a day of flag-waving and rhetoric, here was something bringing truth to the situation.

Sunday, July 03, 2005

Deep Impact a success!

NASA's Deep Impact appears to be a success! Calculus continues to amaze me. Hubby is out on a mountain top braving the winds hoping to get a nice view with his telescope. Hard to do with winds, so he's also bringing his rather large binoculars. I'm home braving the kids, hee hee. Actually, they are all three asleep, somehow, but I put N to sleep before I realized, hey, NASA TV will be showing her what Daddy's hoping to see. Ah well.

Anyways, the impacter did hit its mark, and there seems to be a nice little explosion with it. Weird, the surface of the comet looks like the moon - like there are craters on the comet itself. Never thought it would look like that!

Neat.

Friday, July 01, 2005

Memories

It’s just a shirt. Faded maroon, a hole in the armpit , frayed collar. Numerous spots and stains from years of use. The only thing that makes it special to anyone else is the logo over the right breast: 1999 National Geography Bee.

I earned this shirt in April of that year. Hustling around the UNLV Student Union, moving chairs, filling water decanters, scoring Bee rounds. It was fun. It was worthwhile. It was exhausting. I was eight weeks pregnant and happy.

Now it lays under a pile of doodles. Scribbles and happy faces, little blob people and Princesses on snippets of paper. The remnants of little girls’ dreams that I so casually tossed in the trash, over my worn shirt that I couldn’t justify hanging in the closet anymore. A memory of things lost under a memory of things found.

All you see is just a shirt: some cotton, a bit of stitching and dye, sweat stains that wouldn’t come out. What you can’t see are the memories it holds. An aura surrounds it, full of hope and promise. A day of innocence and bliss. That day I was pregnant. That day I was going to have a baby. That day I had happy dreams.

As the years have passed, I’ve slowly tossed the tangible remnants of her. Hospital bills, doctor visit slips, the socks I wore. This shirt may be the last tactile reminder of a baby lost before I ever saw her.

And now it is discarded. Like that baby, lost and evicted. Gone, with nothing but memories to make it real. Laying under smiles and giggles.

It doesn’t get easier, it just gets different.

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