Night Weaning
4:00 a.m. S wakes up and won't go back to sleep. Just like the past few nights.
Cry, whimper, pat her on the butt, she falls asleep. I make a note to tell Hubby to try a nice butt pat when I'm gone next week.
4:10 am. S wakes up again. Butt pats aren't working. Cry. Whimper. Cuddle. Make note to tell Hubby cuddles work.
4:25 am S wakes up. Butt pats aren't working. Cuddles aren't working. Cry. Whimper. Soft talking telling her I know what she wants. Make note to tell Hubby soft talking helps.
4:40 am. S wakes up again. Butt pats, cuddles, and soft talking aren't helping. In frusteration she kicks and accidentally turns on the mobile music. She falls asleep to Mozart as I rub her back. Make note to self to keep at this so that Hubby and S don't have to go through this next week.... I hope.
At fifteen months old, it's time for night weaning. Not because I want to, but because I have to, since I will be travelling for work for five days next week. What's getting me through it this time better than when I had to do it with her older sisters is that I do remember I did feel much better during the day after I was getting better sleep. And that Hubby will be doing better as a single parent for that long if they all sleep well while I'm away.
Some might think I'm nuts for having nursed her (and her sisters in their time) through the night for so long. Some might say I'm so inspiring, nursing them for so long, knowing that they needed this. I say neither. Honestly, there is little to no altruism in my nocturnal nursing habits. It's the only way I get sleep, and get my cuddles in as well.
I never thought I would co-sleep. The thought was kinda scary and, well, weird, when I was pregnant with my oldest. Then, when she was about three weeks old, and I woke up with her sliding off of my lap towards the floor after I fell asleep nursing her in the glider, I realized this cradle thing wasn't going to work. I had to bring her to my bed for her safety, and my health and sanity. I've been an avid co-sleeper ever since.
Nursing is great because I don't have to get up out of bed when the newborn is hungry. I get a lot more sleep, which is really fantastic so I don't fall asleep at my desk. None of this "nap when baby naps" stuff for us working moms. I get some close time with the baby that I missed out on during the day while at the office. Sure, we may be asleep, but it really does make a difference to me.
As the baby gets older, and most have slept through the night (at least, I think they do, because the pediatrician by three months always asks if my kids are sleeping through the night yet.... I just chalk that up to cultural norms than normal baby development), I'm still nursing at night. By now, night nursing is done so I can sleep. It helps me relax, I'm not kept awake by a fussing baby. I don't have to wake up extra early and wake her up as well so I can nurse her before I head to work. And, I'm not a cry-it-out (CIO) kinda mom.
I can't CIO. I don't see any point to it other than to make other people feel better about the sleep habits of my children. I am firmly in the camp that babies cry for a good reason, not for manipuation. I have friends who CIO, I'm not going to criticize them.... much. I try to be supportive because, well, that's what works for them, I know they love their kids, they are doing what they feel is best for them and their children. Fine. But I'm not gonna do it.
Yet, the time comes when work demands that I night wean. Which really sucks, because, really, where in my perfect world should work take precedence over family? When I have to travel, and that leaves Hubby to care for the kids by himself. Hubby, who thanks to my night nursing, never has to get up at night to care for the kids, aside from the occassional nightmare when he goes into the older girls' room to comfort. He does not do well when he doesn't get much sleep. More for the sake of the girls having to live with a grumpy old man for a week than for the sake of the grumpy old man himself, I'm doing what I can to help everyone sleep better.
Except me.
Night weaning is CIO. I try to justify it by saying it's a "modified CIO", meaning that I'm always there, I try to comfort her through the night as she fusses, cries, and pulls on my shirt asking to nurse. I become a master at strategically placing pillows and blankets to shield myself from questing hands. But, I know what she wants and I'm refusing to give it to her.
Sigh.
It's at these times where the depression sets in hard again. I mean, really, crying to my kindergartner's teacher the other day? Seriously, that's whacked. In addition to weaning against my and my baby's will, I'm also stressed with leaving my family for a week. That always sets me on edge, making the last few days at home not very pleasant.
I'll make it. They'll make it. It could be worse. We could be in Falujah.. or Bakersfield for that matter.
Here's to all the working moms and dads out there, who do what we must to keep our family safe and happy, even if it means being unhappy every once in awhile.
posted by Katherine Zander @ 9:49 AM
8 comments
8 Comments:
((((HUGS)))) Katherine. I LOL because truthfully that's exactly why I nurse at hight. It's what gets us all sleep. Truthfully Jack nurses very little during the day now. Maybe 2 minutes here and 2 minutes there, so I do still treasure our time at night, but honestly I mostly do it, because nobody wants to listen to him cry. I think you are handling it well. It will be much easier for J when you are gone if you have managed to get her to sleep. We all do the best we can to do what works for our families. BTW what am I, since I cried at the DOT the other day because they wouldnt' take my word that the number I was giving them for My ITIN was real and wanted official proof I didn't have. That was whacked...LOL. LOVE YA K.
That's hard, KZ. You and your family are in my thoughts.
Aww, KZ. I ache for you.
And boy are our stories similar. We fell into co-sleeping the same way. And then it's just so cozy, isn't it? Everyone's sleeping and it's warm and snuggly, if a bit crowded.
The squeaker doesn't nurse at night so much anymore. But some mornings I almost feel sad when I realize he didn't nurse that night. And I feel guilty when he wakes to nurse just when I have to get up and hurry to the shower to get ready for work.
It sounds like a tough road. I hope it works itself out quickly. Hang in there.
Thanks, everyone! I thought all was lost last night when she woke up at two in the morning and would not go back to sleep. Isn't this supposed to only take a few nights? LOL, yah. Anyways, I picked her up and she started snoring nearly instantly. No nursing, so if this is all it takes, then Hubby can do that if needed (he refuses to nurse the babies. Men! hee hee). She fussed a tiny bit when I put her back down, but that musical mobile seems to really help her conk back out.
It worked great for S, too.
We're off to an Astronomy Day thing this weekend, requiring a hotel stay. I hope we'll be able to keep this working then.
BMM - It is VERY cozy. I love it. Warm cuddles with a tyke who fits so snuggly in my arms, and smells so good - how could I say no? A few months ago I was facing night weaning before another work trip I had to make, and I was SO not into the idea. But she was younger, and more into nursing. She still nurses, but not as much at night now (I go home at lunch to nurse, so she still nurses quite a bit for a WOHM yearling, I think). When I come home next Friday, I'll be wondering if she'll still be interested after nearly a week off the boob. That thought makes me sad, but I know my others picked up after I came home. If she weans, then it was time, but I'll still probably resent work for pushing it. I totally hear you on rushing out the door just as the baby wants to nurse. Killer on the mommy guilt. My kindergartner feels it too - she'll comment how happy she is that S isn't crying on those quiet days as we go out the door to drop her off at school. Glad to hear Squeaker is feeling better!
Kathy - thanks for coming by (and your support on LC, too). Absolutely - night nursing at this age is as much, if not more, about the whole family's quality sleep than it is about nourishment, or mommy's cuddles.
Katharine - thanks for the thoughts. We'll manage.
KZ, I just nightweaned my 2.5 yo last month (and have sinced totally weaned her). We all sleep so much better now, really. It was worth it. She used to sleep in 2-3 hour spurts and now goes 10 hours straight (still in our bed). In the morning we still get lots of cuddle time, too. Good luck to you guys! Rachel (in NY, no blog)
Thanks, Rachel! And welcome! I know we will get better sleep once she is night weaned. For now, though, I'm alone in bed hundreds of miles from home, and it's almost one in the morning - it's hard to sleep alone!
It's nice to hear from others who co-sleep. As I finished some work up in my hotel room while the television was on, I was subjected to yet another reality television show denouncing the practice. But if you look at most cultures around the world, sending the kids to their own bed the unusual practice!
We just night weaned our son a few weeks ago. He's 18 months. It made no difference to his sleep patterns. He's still up ever hour or so and it's hell to get him back to sleep when you're still trying to sleep.
The method we used was gentle and successful, even though it didn't change his sleep patterns. Google Dr. Jay Gordon and night weaning and you'll probably find it.
How have things turned out for you so far?
Rachelle
I am going to try to start the night weaning process this weekend. I AM almost in a panic.
Good to hear about your experience.
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