Happy +HPT day!

Ok, I think it was a few days before the 23rd of May last year that I got the positive Home Pregnancy test for S. Wow, I remember it so well.... at a conference out of state, peeing on a stick in an opulent brass and marble bathroom, bleeding like a period but my BBT wasn't dropping, thinking there was a great chance I was pregnant but desperate for me not to be because I was sure to lose this one.

What followed was a nightmare of trying to get HCG and progesterone tests, refusing to go to the ER (what could they possibly do for me anyways) and trying to keep all of this stress to myself so no one but Hubby, three states away, knew. I hate the untelling part of losses. Then again, I know that I'd still tell my family about a loss should I have one, even if they didn't know. Perhaps it wasn't the fear of the untelling that made me keep it secret, but not having the energy to keep answering the questions of, "Have you gotten your test yet?" "How are you feeling" and of course, the infuriating, "Oh, don't worry, everything will be just fine." Which, amazingly enough, it turns out it was. The result is an adorable little girl whom I was informed mere minutes ago just pooped all over Daddy, much to the delight of her older sisters.

One year ago today, more or less, my life changed for the better. It was a long, hard road, with absent doctors, criminally derelict and abusive nurses, and me fighting fighting fighting for me, my baby, and my care. But, because of all the hardships, I found a wonderful doctor, a fabulous doula, and had the birth of my dreams.

Hee hee, I still carry that HPT in my planner.