Priorities

You may wonder why this man is smiling.



You've got to believe that there were numerous staff meetings about this mugshot of (former-for-now) House Majority leader Tom DeLay (R-Texas) before it was taken. Topics covered must have included what's his best side, should he smile or look serious, how big should the smile be, and how much whitener he should use on his teeth. There must have been several covert agents used to determine which hairstylist and make-up artist could be trusted to put him in his best light. Makes him look just like the smiling, handshaking, backroom politician he is. Must have overlooked that part.

"Hmmmm, Carl, do you think a five-o-clock shadow would give me a more rugged look, or should I look really smarmy and cocky to piss the Democrats off?"

"No, I'm a Texan, I won't wear lipstick. Too metrosexual for me. Well, ok, maybe"

"Too much gum? Gawd, is that spinach?"

Similar discussion must have commenced prior to John Gotti's mugshot*



Notice the similar "I can own your ass" smirks.

All the (assumed) backroom preparation for DeLay's mugshot proves that those of us without teams of handlers should start thinking about how we want our mugshot to look. I mean, if "they" ever find out that I checked out that book on Pagan rituals at the local library, I'm sure to be 'mugged' too.

Since I'm not on familiar terms with any hairstylists willing to visit me in the pokey at three in the morning after the brownshirts bust in my door, I'd best always carry a brush with me, and perhaps a perky little "do" thingy to put up my hair nicely. Practice my best smile, or smirk. Do you think a frown would be best? You know, to show that I really don't think I should have been arrested and I'm angry? It's not like I have the DeLay or Gotti connections to believe I'd actually get OFF for checking out a hedonistic publication, so a smarmy smile is probably not in my best interest to win a jury's heart.

'Cuz, you know, I really don't want to look like Charles Manson*



For sure I'd want to avoid the beard. He did seem to have controlled his usual manic look with his trademark wide eyes. Poor Larry King* didn't spend enough time in front of the camera for that



He really should have practiced more. At least put on a different shirt. Maybe it was the glasses. Now, Billy Gates* had the idea right. Use tinted shades with a boyish smile



Never would have guessed he'd smash independant free-thinking business under his thumb with that shot, eh? I wonder if DeLay asked him for pointers?

Better go pack some floss in my purse....

* mugshots from mugshots.org